I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize