He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize