I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Is it because I queefed?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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