god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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