ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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