I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
