I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
