if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My pussy is not your playground.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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