420 ftw
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
