She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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