Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
