we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We were destined to go to rehab together
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
