Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
