quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
