you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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