Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
