Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
