So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
