she smelled like a LAN party
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize