I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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