so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
