His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
