i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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