he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
