to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If I die, sorry about rent.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
