So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
