Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
