I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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