Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
