Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
