Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
