Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Randomize
