the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
