I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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