she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize