Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize