he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize