Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
