She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
