He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
