Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
