That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
