I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
