Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
it glows. i had to have it.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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