How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
