I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
