there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
