My Higher Power is John Stamos
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
