god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
