I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
