if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
a search helicopter?!
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
