I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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