I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just found puke in my bra..
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
