i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize