soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
