the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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