One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
