They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
