why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
