seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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