so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
