so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
