I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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