I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
