Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
