Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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