btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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