I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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