Having a random hookup so left but love u
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
