Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
