if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Drunk is not a location!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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