That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
