We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize