I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
