Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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