Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
