She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
