wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Randomize
