I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
