Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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