Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
