All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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