God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
